you're like a bully in the Christmas story
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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