Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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