I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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