So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
