he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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