Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize