holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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