I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
