Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
