i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
and i looked up. we had an audience...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
