Tell her she can't have a vagina
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
