oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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