Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
