He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
