3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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