i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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