I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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