i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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