Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You work out of a Hotel?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
