You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
