A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
