u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My penis needs a shock collar
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
