Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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