Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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