im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
