well most of my day revolves around power hour
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
