i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
