guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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