Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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