i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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