im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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