i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
