Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize