lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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