Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
