She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
