I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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