his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
