Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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