All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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