sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
