I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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