im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Girls should come with a carfax report
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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