I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
