Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
