YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
love makes seman taste better
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
