just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
50% drunk capacity currently
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
