It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
