The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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