I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
