If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
