it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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