It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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