Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
