Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
