So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize