question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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