bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Bring me that man meat
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize