Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
