woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
