So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
