70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
