Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
