dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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