Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
