my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
