omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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