Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
