Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
