forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
