and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize