I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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