When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
