Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
