I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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