Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
