I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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