Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
