yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
