why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
